Overcoming the Urge to Compare: A Lesson from Scripture

We live in a world where people constantly strive for the best version of themselves. This idea is usually accompanied by messages such as:

1. Unleash your full potential.
2. Try harder, and you will succeed.
3. Develop your inner goodness.
4. Become extraordinary.

And while there is some truth in these statements, they only work for a short period. Until…

1. You fail and are too ashamed to tell your friends.
2. The people around you seem to be moving faster than you.
3. You have no achievements to talk about or post on social media.
4. Life isn’t anything like you imagined it.

What happens when we apply these ideas to our journey with Christ?

Simple. Following Christ through the Law (“try harder and succeed”) will lead us to comparison. Yes, I know you have heard this word many times. However, it is a struggle many of us face, but few are willing to confess.

Comparing ourselves to others will either make us think that we are too good or bad, but will never allow us to rest in the message of the Gospel.

Key notes

• Comparing ourselves to others will either make us think that we are too good or bad, but will never allow us to rest in the message of the Gospel.
• Trying harder is a different way of telling Jesus that what He did for me on the cross wasn´t enough. “There has to be something I can contribute to my salvation.”
• In a world where people strive to become a better version of themselves, Jesus calls His people by the Gospel to confess and repent of their sins and dwell in His grace.

Now, what does the bible say about comparison?

Before we turn to Scripture for clarity, let me confess myself. Performance and comparison have been constant themes in my story.

I have spent most of my life making sure I follow the rules and make good decisions. I grew up as the typical well-behaved daughter who gets good grades, obeys her parents, goes to church, and sets an example for others.

Naturally, a woman who has dedicated so much time to making her life look perfect does not deal with failure well. I was tempted to either consider myself better than others, or I would break down when faced with defeat.

While I am thankful for how I was raised, what I considered a successful life was only the result of years of self-righteousness.

Not many of us would describe ourselves as selfish or jealous; however, whenever we compare ourselves with others, we expose our self-righteousness. This is the root of our temptation to compete with our neighbors.  

A good guy and a bad guy

In the Gospel of Luke, we find another of Jesus´s famous parables. This time, Jesus told this parable to some people in the crowd who trusted in themselves and their righteousness a little too much.

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other.”

(18: 10-14)

When we read parables in Scripture, our tendency is to try to identify ourselves with one of the characters. We shift our focus on who we consider to be the “good guy” in the story and assume this is the behavior God expects from us.

However, Jesus shares this parable with the crowd to teach one valuable truth: Nobody is ever justified by works of the Law. True freedom and grace cannot be found in the Law.

The Bible often reflects that Jesus’s logic is nothing like ours:

Our human perspective:

1. The Pharisee is the good guy and the tax collector is the bad guy.
2. The Pharisee seems to be a really good Christian. “Look at everything he does for the Lord”. There is no hope for the tax collector. He is a traitor and has dedicated his life to charge and exploit others.
3. Conclusion: Do the best you can to follow Christ. You may not be perfect but at least you are trying.

VS

Jesus´s teaching:

1. God does not look at outward appearance but at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7). In reality, we all fall short of God´s glory but He chooses to be merciful to us through Christ.
2. Under the Law, there is no hope only condemnation. If I measure myself based on my actions, I will either think too highly of myself or I won´t bear the guilt and shame of my mistakes.
3. Conclusion: Self-righteousness leads to comparison but the word of the Gospel leads to justification in Christ.

Again, Jesus´s logic is nothing like ours. In a world where people strive to become a better version of themselves, Jesus calls His people by the Gospel to confess and repent of their sins and dwell in His grace.

When people prioritize outward appearance, Jesus looks deep inside human hearts and gives hope to those who seem to be the weakest.  

How to defeat the temptation to compare ourselves?

Defeating comparison requires an uncomfortable confession: God, be merciful to me, a sinner!

I know this is hard. Who wants to admit failure? Nobody wants to confess that they are bad. We know we are not perfect but “we are trying our best”. Doesn´t God see my efforts?

Whenever I am tempted to compare myself to others and try harder, I remember one of the most difficult but liberating truths of the Gospel: The Lord isn´t looking for perfect people, broken sinners are all He has to work with.

The Lord reminds me that my effort to follow Him is the very thing that keeps me from resting in His grace. In other words, trying harder is a different way of telling Jesus that what He did for me on the cross wasn´t enough. There has to be something I can contribute to my salvation.

The truth is, only Christ´s suffering and death provides true freedom from comparison and all sins. His resurrection dictates our identity as children of God, not my accomplishments, intentions, or attempts to be better but his perfect obedience for me.

Only the word of the Gospel welcomes broken and hopeless sinners and restores them to be perfect and holy in Christ.

Overcome comparison by resting in your identity

Therefore:

• When you start feeling too proud of all your achievements, run to Christ and rest in your identity in Him.
• When you scroll on social media and feel like your friends are accomplishing more than you, run to Christ and rest in your identity in Him.
• When you fall into that one sin again, run to Christ and rest in your identity in Him.
• When you look inward to measure your success, run to Christ and rest in your identity in Him.

I know this is easier said than done. As women, the temptations to compare ourselves are plenty. I am 26 years old and I still struggle with the same weaknesses and insecurities. However, trust that the Lord will keep you in his grace. It is his completed work of the cross that has already accomplished everything for us.

Quina Aragon, in her book Love Has a Story: 100 Meditations on the enduring love of God writes a beautiful poem about a woman´s worth. She ends the poem with a powerful statement:  

“The Great Commission made
Every type of woman
Acclaimed or not, a herald of the gospel
Mom or not, the Bride of Christ.
All in all, a worthy child of God.
What´s a woman worth, then?
No less than
His life,
His death,
His resurrection”  

(2024, p. 128)

Go out and walk confidently in your worth in Christ. Serve the Lord and others in your vocation knowing that your salvation isn´t in what you do but in Christ. Rejoice in your unique gifts and abilities, knowing that all of them are from your Father in heaven.

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My Prayer for You

“Dear Father, I pray for the woman struggling with comparison and perfectionism. I pray that you put faithful friends in her path so that she can confess her sins and receive forgiveness. Remind her of her identity in you and of everything that you have already accomplished for her. Help her rest in your grace and forgiveness and be her strength in all her difficulties. In your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen”

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For Reflection

Read and meditate on today´s parable. Luke 18:9-14.

1. Do I feel pressure to have it all together in my faith? Where does that pressure come from?
2. The tax collector acknowledges his sin and pleads for mercy. What is something I need to confess before God?
3. The Pharisee looked down on others to elevate himself. Have I ever done this in subtle ways? How can I develop a heart that sees others the way God does?